I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
