my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
