im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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