I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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