i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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