is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
