he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
