Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
