dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
