My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
