You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
