I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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