with your own penis?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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