I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
