Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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