i really wish james franco would like my vagina
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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