Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
