Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
