omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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