Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
