he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
