On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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