I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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