eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
