i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
