i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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