this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
