Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
