if you like me you must not know who I am
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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