u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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