She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
