I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
