I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
