The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
