I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
