I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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