Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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