I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
