Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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