So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
