there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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