Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
