I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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