I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
