My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
