dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
