Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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