He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you didnt know i had herpes?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
