the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
