at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
