Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
