nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
