this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
