Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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