you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
