Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
