Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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