Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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