I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
